Pastor Railton would consider it a privilege to talk with anyone about the church, living the Christian life, how to become a Christian or any problem or discouragement you may be experiencing. Let him know and he will be glad to either come to your home or meet in the office.
The Proper Paternal Parent
I. INTRODUCTION
Here's a description of the ideal father. He will hold
down 2 jobs so he can provide the extra material things his family wants and needs. At the same time
he somehow works only 40 hours a week, leaving all the rest of his time to be with his family. He never has
to raise a hand or voice to his kids and yet they always are properly behaved, polite and obedient.
He's always helping friend or neighbor with a problem or need, and yet he's home every evening to
play with the kids, take the wife shopping, mow the lawn, etc. He always eats well and compliments the
cook by taking seconds and thirds, but he isn't overweight. He has a full head of hair, stands tall, and
after a hard days work, helps his wife, but is still never too tired to go out for the evening.
Of course, as far as I know there is no "ideal father"
such as this. However the Bible does give guidelines in 4 most important areas that would help Dad to be
more ideal. He should be a provider, a parent, a pattern, and a priest or pastor to his family. I am not
the only pastor in this congregation. Every husband, father, Sunday School teacher, and small group
leader is a pastor.
II. DAD SHOULD BE A PROVIDER; I Tim. 5:8.
A. Basic Physical Needs
1. Food, Clothing, Shelter. You know most of us are so
well to do that we're caught in a trap thinking things are necessities which are in fact luxuries. I would
recommend the teachings of Larry Burkett when it comes to financial priorities. He's written a lot of
material, and he's on WFRN daily.
2. "For his relatives and especially for his immediate
family..."
a. This includes his family, his wife, his children. A
man certainly has a responsibility here. It's wrong to rely upon the government or church, or
other handouts to provide the basic needs, unless the individual is unable to work.
b. Also included here is other relatives. If my or
Alice's mother are ever unable to provide for themselves, I have a Biblical, financial
obligation.
B. "If Anyone Does Not Provide...He Has Denied The Faith
And Is Worse Than An Unbeliever."
1. An unbeliever is pretty bad. I can't claim
Christianity, if I don't provide for my family.
2. James, in the 2nd chapter teaches the teamwork of
faith and works. "If a brother or sister be naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto
them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,' notwithstanding you give them not those things
which are needful to the body, what does it profit? Even so faith, if it has not works, is dead, being
alone."
a. James is saying an individual can claim
Christianity all he wants, but if he slips up in this essential area of providing for his own, his faith
is worthless.
b. You see there's even an obligation to the
Christian brother or sister.
c. There's an application here to our fellow human
beings, even people we don't know. This is why we maintain our Good Samaritan ministry.
C. As You Provide....
1. Be careful the family does not place too high a
priority on material things. If one spends all his waking hours gaining money and more money, there
will never be enough. The family will develop the attitude that this is the goal of life, that this is where
happiness is. And it never will be. Things cannot satisfy. We always want them but they will never
satisfy!
2. The entire family should be taught an attitude of
gratitude...
a. Toward the provider.
b. Toward God.
3. Remember also as you provide, that being the
provider is not all there is to being Father. There is also the obvious, but often neglected responsibility
of being PARENT.
III. DAD SHOULD BE A PARENT!
Most any healthy male can father a child. This does
not necessarily bring honor, however it does bring responsibility. We've talked about the father being
the provider, but we must point out that fathers have more responsibilities than just bringing home the
bacon.
A. Time Should Be Spent As A Parent. How many hours or minutes do you average a day as a parent, in direct
parental relationship with the kids? I've read many fathers spend less than a minute a day with their kids. I
don't think I was ever that bad, but sometimes I'm ashamed at how little time I had with my kids. If I had it
to do over, I'd do it differently. Obviously it's important to go to work, to plant the garden, to fix the car, to be
involved in church, etc. and all these are indirectly for the child, but there must be some direct parental contact.
The child should be included and taught how to plant the garden, how to fix the car, etc. He also should be played
with, he should be taught. Part of our parental responsibility is to equip the kids in skills.
B. Discipline, Training, Is An Important Part Of Parenthood
1. Prove. 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he
should go and when he is old he will not depart form it." This includes...
a. Manners
b. Politeness
c. Kindness
d.
Forgiveness
e. Firmness
f. Gentleness
g. Godliness
We sometimes forget the terrific influence we have upon our children. Adam was first made
in the image of God himself. Jesus was made, and remained, in the image of God. Our
children are made in our image. We see stubbornness in a child and hate it, but refuse
to admit, it came from Dad or Mom. Training
cannot be left up to the church or school. It should be a major part of the home life.
2. You don't love your child if you don't discipline your
child.
a. Proverbs. 13:24, "He that spares his rod hates his
son, but he that loves him chastens him often."
b. Proverbs. 19:18, "Chasten your son while there is
hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying."
c. Many more verses speak of disciplining as a
form of love, guidance, etc.
d. Fathers should take an active part in the
disciplining. They can not leave it all up to the mother. They should not make Mom the
"heavy".
3. Discipline Should Be Team Work Between Mom
and Dad.
a. That doesn't mean you both have to be there all
the time, but you should both agree on standards, etc.
b. I love Jason, Amy and Josh equally. I try to treat
them fairly. But I chose Alice to be my life long
companion. I will be with her long after the kids are grown and married.
c. Obviously I don't say to the kids, "I love Mom
more than you - na na na na na na." However we did work at not being worked against each
other. If she made a decision, I backed it. If I made a decision, she backed it. If we disagreed,
we'd discuss it later. We're a team.
4. Discipline Should Be Tempered With Love
a. To beat a child is wrong.
b. Eph. 6:4 tells fathers to not provoke the children
to wrath.
c. Col. 3:21 tells fathers to not provoke them to
anger.
d. While it is wrong to beat a child, or abuse a
child, it is just as wrong to not spank him when he needs it. But it ought to be done in love.
1. The reason should be explained.
2. The punishment ought to fit the crime.
3. The punishment ought not to be for our benefit but for the child's. By that I mean it
should be to teach and discipline the child, not to vent our anger or frustration.
IV. DAD SHOULD BE PROVIDER, PARENT AND ALSO A PATTERN
Our children follow our example more than we realize. I heard of a little boy who had been in the
bathroom a long time. His mother got worried, knocked and went in. The little boy had shaved all the
hair off his head. "Why did you do such a thing?", the mother asked. "I wanted to look like Daddy," was
the child's rely. Whether he knows it or not, whether he likes it or not, many of the child's attitudes,
philosophies, habits, mannerisms, will be patterned after Dad.
A. He should be an example in reverence, worship, and
prayer. Many Dads take the kids to the circus, ball game or fishing, but he sends them to church. Dad must be an
example.
B. He should be an example in truthfulness. No parent should expect not to be lied to, if he lies to his boss, or
the policeman, or neighbor, whoever.
C. He should be an example in legal and financial obligations. Honesty should prevail on the tax return.
Take every deduction you can, but don't take any that aren't yours. Bills should be paid promptly.
D. He should be an example in attitudes, ambitions, etc.
E. He should be an example in hard work, fulfilling responsibility.
So far we've seen Dad should be a Provider, Parent,
and Pattern. Now I'll close with a few thoughts emphasizing that he also should be a Pastor, or priest.
V. HE SHOULD BE A PASTOR
A pastor is a spiritual leader. Each home that is
represented today is a branch of this church. And it's so important that the father stand up to his God-given
obligation to be the pastor of that family. I guess for some reason its easier to leave it up to Mom or let it
go altogether. I guess some think its sissy to be busy in the Lord's work, praying, reading the Bible, etc.
Maybe some think they don't need the Bible or church. But they do. And it will be a blessing if the
whole family worships together, at home and at church. I believe the family will be blessed beyond
measure that worships together, has prayer together, tithes, etc. You've maybe heard James Dobson talk
about the transfer of the baton in a relay race. It's the most crucial part of the race. So also is the passing of
the baton to the next generation.
A. Gen. 18:19 - Abraham
1. Abraham's righteousness gained him God's
confidence and blessing.
2. What a blessing for God to have that confidence in
Dad today -that he would know that this father or that father would teach the ways of God to his
family.
B. Deut. 6:4-9
1. The ways of God should be taught at home.
2. Doesn't say anything about the church at all. Of
course the church is important, but don't just leave the church to do it alone. Back the church. Support
it. Teach God's ways at home. Compliment what the church does on Sundays and Wednesdays.
C. Eph. 6:4 says, "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord."
1. One thing that will provoke them to wrath is if you
want them to go to church, to be honest, to have a clean mouth and mind, when you don't.
2. Fathers you have an obligation to be the pastor in
your home, to bring your kids up in the nurture and admonition, in the ways of God.
3. I hope everyone has a blessed Father's Day. I hope
you know that I realize I'm not perfect in all these areas. But I do know that we have responsibilities in
these areas and we'll have more blessed families and homes if we'll remember our responsibilities in being
a provider, parent, pattern, and pastor to our families.